


Alice:Total Wars

by Magicamafia



Category: Alice (2009), Alice - Fandom, Alice In Wonderland - Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland (1951), Alice's Adventures in Wonderland & Related Fandoms, American McGee's Alice
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-02
Updated: 2018-04-02
Packaged: 2018-08-18 22:04:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 8,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8177768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magicamafia/pseuds/Magicamafia
Summary: "There's a game that can grant you your wishes ...The most dangerous creation of any society is the man who has nothing to lose."-Alice-16-year-old Arisa has always been afraid of being different. After being betrayed and kicked from her club, she becomes locked in a battle royal so that she can graduate school. Forming a contract with a demonic being named Alice , she finds herself engaging in a wonderland themed battle against her own classmates. Each and every individual has their own story and a reason for joining the game. There is nowhere to go but upwards,the requirement for participating is to lose something that belongs to you.Reach the top and your wish shall be granted.Fall in death and  your identity will be taken.Your life stolen by someone else.How far will you go to get your wish?-Inside is a one-shot Halloween special-cover by http://yuumei.deviantart.com/





	1. Falling into darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "There's a game that can grant you your wishes ...The most dangerous creation of any society is the man who has nothing to lose."  
> -Alice-
> 
> 16-year-old Arisa has always been afraid of being different. After being betrayed and kicked from her club, she becomes locked in a battle royal so that she can graduate school. Forming a contract with a demonic being named Alice , she finds herself engaging in a wonderland themed battle against her own classmates. Each and every individual has their own story and a reason for joining the game. There is nowhere to go but upwards,the requirement for participating is to lose something that belongs to you.  
> Reach the top and your wish shall be granted.  
> Fall in death and your identity will be taken.  
> Your life stolen by someone else.
> 
> How far will you go to get your wish?

Disclaimer: The artwork used to illustrate points in our story are not by me and are credited accordingly at the point of appearance. I do not profit from this piece of writing.

 

Warning bells were ringing in my head as I gasped for breath. I could feel a panic attack coming to me as I stood there,time seeming to trick by slowly.

My eyes blurred out from the tears that tricked out from deep within. Panting for air, I reached out for the sink, peering at my reflection on the tarnished mirror. Red eyes stared back at me, too red. How long have I cried for?

Swaying on the back of my heels, I stumbled, tumbling onto the dirty floor below me.

The drops of the leaking faucet sounded like music, it could lure me to sleep.

Yes, I want to sleep...Never to wake up.

\-------------------------------------------------------------

In the depths of my mind, I stood...Alone waiting. 

What formerly was my oasis has been tainted with darkness.   
Defending me from years of suffering has shattered it. 

My mind reflects how I feel.

I'm not myself, what I once was.

All that is left are pieces of regret and hatred towards the ignorant past.

"Revenge," I thought to myself as I walked down the dark narrow hallways. The walls of my mind seemed almost alive, pulsing with every negative thought that raced through my skull.

Nothing matters now.

Throwing my head backwards,  bitterness wash over me. So much malice that it clouded my head, "Why did I think I could fit in.I let myself be betrayed."

"Coward." I whispered silently to myself.

"You are such a coward for thinking that you can run away from your troubles," My voice wavered. "Face the facts... You did not achieve enough club points to graduate school."

"Who should I blame?

Them for saying I don't have the talent necessary for the singing?

Or is it my fault?"

This is so absurd. The reality is...I will never be as good as them. I was too different , too strange to be someone like them.I never believed in revenge but now it consumed me. All my mistakes, I wish could be reversed by time.

I laughed ,unable to wail my sadness.Punching the wall next to me , I sank to the floor.

"I'm a failure for not being able to stand up for myself."

"What exactly am I living for?" I muttered angrily, glancing down the hallway. 

Suddenly, the walls started to emanate a blinding white light forcing me to close my eyes.

 **"Even if life is a lie, you can't possibly imagine me,"** a voice boomed over the darkness.

 

**"Come meet me, Arisa."**

 

 

My eyes grew wide with shock, feeling the small tug at my body. My insides felt like they were shivering as a surge of cold came. It crept up my spine and my bones shook with each vibration. "Ah, stop." I muttered under my breath, sensing an unsettling presence near me.

 

 **"Welcome to my realm, Arisa",** a little voice whispered inside my head. The presence behind gave me a hard push, sending me tumbling over the edge  into the darkness below.

_\---------_

_And once the crooked man said,_  
I'm alone but yet in love  
For nothing can be more deceitful than heart   
The illness you call love is incurable   
Crooked is the heart above all  
And above that is nothingness. 

_\-----_

 

This tune...it seems so familiar to me but I never heard of it before...

 

 

"Wait." The coldness around me was replaced with gentle warmth and my eyelids flew opened. I sat upright, my senses returning to me. Confusion set in as I witnessed the landscape transforming...The barren land gave way to a forest of crimson lilies beneath an artificial sky. There wasn't a single star to be seen, only a gradient of blissful blue and gleeful green painted the hovering horizon.

 

The scene was oddly beautiful, the glowing green sky and the red lights that gently fell around me, making me reminisce of a winter wonderland. 

**"Ahem"**

Knocked out of my daydreams, I grimaced at the loss of silence, turning to face the direction of the sound. I couldn't see anything at all, so I  forced myself to scrunch ; squinting my eyes towards the clearing mist before I seeing her.

 

**"Well, would you like some tea?"**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello.  
> I'm Arcana,
> 
> This story was thought of in 2012 or so but I never really developed on it,until this year.
> 
> This is a dark coming of age story that is half fantasy and half based on the experiences that my friends and I faced when we were younger.
> 
> My English isn't the greatest so it takes a lot of research and editing for me to write a paragraph...so hopefully you can correct me if you see something wrong or have any suggestions on how I can better write it.
> 
> We hope that our experiences can bring comfort to those who need it and that others can learn from what we did.
> 
> Yes, the story is violent and may include talk about self-harm .We will admit to doing a lot of messed up stuff in our youth but in our defense...When your mind isn't in the right place , the chances of you fucking up is dramatically higher.
> 
> We hope that you will continue reading till the end.
> 
> A 2 years period of what we faced and how we dealt with it.
> 
> Feel free to comment as I do enjoy reading and sharing them.
> 
> Regards,
> 
> Arcana Mafia  
> -The return of magic-


	2. The madness of the world

 

 

A pair of green eyes with a hint of black stared at me with an impassive expression on their face. She tapped and traced the silverware that decorated the table, producing rhythmic, clicking sounds with her creepy fish-like eyes scanning me inside out.

 

Each ware was placed in an even line on a piece of white table cloth. The first feature that I spotted was her wearing a ring on the fourth finger of her left hand with its green sapphire sitting delicately on its clasp. Upon a more careful look at her entire appearance, I noticed a cross adorning her chest , which was clad in a short, black woven dress with lace-up. Below the dress were high black stockings and double-strapped-cross design Mary Jane heels. And lastly, the green stain on her finger encircled by the ring.

 **"I would have thought that you would have dressed better for a meeting with me,"** a small look of amusement crossed her face before it returned to its previous icy expression.

 **"I think you are underdressed."** I was struck by her lack of remorse and rudeness of her words as she crossed her legs and flipped her hair backwards which exposed her slim wrist. I couldn't help but stare at the tattoo on her wrist. It is very exquisite, depicting a golden pocket watch and rabbit keychain, decorated with motifs of music notes. I could slightly see the words in the art  and became pretty sure it was a strong reference to the characters and motifs in ... ** _Alice in Wonderland._**

 

 

"What are those words written on your tattoo?" I burst out, unable to control my curiosity. The artwork on the tattoo looked so unworldly that I found my eyes drawn to it, noticing the 13 round circles she made when she stirred the floral teacup.

 

Maybe it was the catch of the light but I thought I saw a wave of emotions pass her face. Fear and anguish played out on her face before she frowned, licking her lips while twisting her lower body away from me.

 **"This, my dear,is a passage from a book I once read**..."Green Eyes said fondly. In a bat of the eye, she picked up a heavy silver teapot, a devilish grin forming on her face. Swerving in her chair, she recited a quote.

**"The mad hatter once asked ...** _**Have I gone mad** _ **and the reply given to him was..."**

 

She leaned forward slowly with the smile on her face growing bigger.

**" _I'm afraid so, you are entirely bonkers!"_**

 

As she continued sitting rigidly in her chair, the look on her face changed suddenly. Her cheeks turned pale and eyes became fixated on the silverware before her.

 

 **" _But I'll tell you a secret..." "All the best people are_ and that is true."** Her voice dropped off into a whisper, her expression changing into one of  madness as she looked into the far distance. Slumping in her chair, she beckoned her perfectly manicured hand towards me and instructed ,

 

 **"Take a seat."**   
  


 

 

** **

Left speechless and taken aback by her statements, I questioned myself, "Uh huh...Have I gone mad?"

In spite of my misguided feelings, I fumbled for my own voice and asked cautiously, "Who are you? And where am I?" 

Pouring a cup of tea while setting a teaspoon on the saucer , she didn't bother to look at me before speaking.

 ** _"Curiouser and curiouser!"_**   

 

 ** _"You are in wonderland!"_** she cried, clapping her hands in glee, a freaky smile covering almost the entire length of her face .

"Wonderland...?" Her statement puzzled me ...The sheer absurdity of it was maddening. _Or does Wonderland really exist?_

 **  
"In actual fact, it is a projection of your mindscape but it really doesn't matter."**

 

 

 ** _"Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle,"_** her sing-song voice carried over to my ears as shivers crawled down my spine. Her words sounded so playful but  hidden beneath it was an underlying sinister tone.

 

**"The name is Alice."**

 

Clearing my voice to speak, I was interrupted by Alice, her voice taking on a deep grave tone, shaking her head mournfully and stirring her sugar filled tea as she spoke.

**"I will be kind if I were to mention it, but you are falling down the rabbit hole by being dreadfully savage. Running yourself to the ground by..."**

 

 

"No one asked for YOUR opinion! You don't go around throwing personal remarks when you have no idea what I have done to survive! Who are you to judge me?" I retorted, snarling,  not caring that I had cut through her sentence at all.

There was a dangerous glint in my eye, in an act of defiance to what she had just mentioned.

 _"If everyone MINDED their OWN business, the WORLD would go around a GREAT deal faster than it does presently!"_ Tossing my head contemptuously, I fell back onto the chair, knocking the tea cup over.

 

 

 

 ** _"I haven't the slightest idea but if you drink much from a bottle marked 'poison' it is certain to disagree with you sooner or later."_** **"You've already have enough experiences in life to notice the amount of damage it is doing to you."** She retorted, obviously offended by my outburst. The pupils of her eyes constricted into slits, becoming reptilian like.

 

 

The conversation dropped and we both sat silently, watching the tea run down the surface of the table, dripping onto the grass. Alice closed her eyes, appearing less enraged. She sat still and serene, almost like a doll and this scene broke me. I came to a realization: All this time, I was never free.

\-----

I finally decided to be the first one to break the silence, 

 _"Where should I go then?"_ my voice pleaded out, feebly.

She shook her head impatiently and answered , without opening her eyes. 

**_"That depends on where you want to end up."_ **

_"I'm so very tired, I don't care where,"  
_

_"Would you tell me... please, which way I ought to go from here?"  
_

 

I had lost the fight inside my mind, my whole heart hurt, numbed and crippled. _The everlasting wish for peace..._ Her words rang out in my head and my battle worn walls dropped, shattered by them.From within emerged the hidden truth... _A silent prayer for someone to save me._

 

 

 

Her face changed into one of pity as she took in my words, slowly opening her eyes...Reaching forward, she gently caressed my hands with hers. **"I never make bargains but I'll make an exception this time."**

 

I wanted to resist the action but her cold hand felt oddly comforting. Why did I feel so relaxed and at ease? The tension drew away from my body while we leaned towards each other, her touch gradually calming me down. In that moment, I felt like we were on the same wavelength.

 

 

I don't recall how long we sat there, staring at each other hands before she interrupted the peace. Releasing my hands, she placed her elbow on the table with her chin in her hand. The all-so-familiar Cheshire grin returned to her face.

 

 

 **"It's possible to get enough points for graduation through a game but ... _The most dangerous creation of any society is the man who has nothing to lose."_** Her words trailed off. All this while , her eyes never left mine, the green now flashing brighter than the emerald on her finger and I knew. This game is seems terrifying and is most likely going to risk my life. But am I willing to take the risk? 

In a terrifying game which I knew nothing about?

I searched deeply within myself...

 

"Will it be worth it?"

 

\----------- 

 

She smirked as she continued on, " **You don't have the skills to survive, believe me."**

 

Put off, I started counting my options... Maybe I could find another club willing to take me in? Such wishy-washy thinking of mine...There is absolutely no way I could find one in time ... The sound of her heels clicked on the metal table below us, echoing loudly in harmony with her words.

 

**"Create a contract with me, I promise you..."  
"You will be free once you graduate school."**

 

It was sick and sly of her but she was right...I wanted to run away from school, away from the hell that my life had become. If there was a god...he surely isn't helping me. Bitterly, I would have more luck with "her". Contemplating Alice words, I made my decision.

I croaked, "You are so cruel...however you are correct, I desire what you speak of."

 

Alice smiled triumphantly and I was badly shaken by it. By the time I took stock of  the surroundings, noticing the shadows that crept up on us, I was lifted up physically. Mortified in horror, I was grabbed, my arms pinned firmly behind my back as I was lifted off the floor by them.

 

 **"I am Alice and I shall grant your wish,"** walking in front of me, she cupped my face with her soft hands, her eyes inches from mine. 

 

 **"At the end of the corridor to** **to the seventh floor** **, there's a room with people who will allow you to join the game,"** she breathed into my ear and I could feel my heart racing, pounding so fast that it didn't sound like heartbeats. 

Leaning on tiptoes, she planted her lips on my forehead, **"Take care of yourself, Alice."**

The darkness swarmed around me, swirling taunting words as I was thrust down a dark hole.

 

I was falling, just like Alice as she went down the rabbit hole!I screamed "Bloody murder!" wishing I could faint there and then. If only...I had stopped screaming, I would have heard the _tick-tock of a clock's moving second hand_ but in my fright, I didn't.

I rolled and crashed into the walls of the tunnel, gasping in thin air. It was to great relief when I found myself on my feet, safely on the floor of the school bathroom. Appearing in my hand was the trump card of all cards, the _Ace Of Spade._

 

In a world left behind , Alice collapsed back onto her chair, her chest rising and falling in quick succession. Biting her lip hard, blood began to flow down her chin, slowly  dripping off onto her dress ...Gripping the arms of her chair, her eyes became unfocused ,only the whites showing before they regained a red gleam. 

Looking into a mirror, she hissed the incomplete words that she didn't want anyone to hear.

" **For not all endings are happy."**     

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter:  
> Following the white rabbit  
> By: Arcana Mafia  
> -Comeback of imagination- 
> 
> (do comment.I love comments)


	3. Follow the white rabbit?

 

"We invite you..."  
A gust of wind stole the card from my hand, making it fly upwards as it spun in the air. I couldn't make out the rest of the words but I stood entranced by the spinning, slowly becoming hypnotized.

  
"Why is the world spinning?"  
Rushing past me were the scenes that I once experienced and as they twirled together, they begin to take monstrous shapes and sprouted branches.

"No..." I whispered,   
"This couldn't possibly be the same dream that haunted my childhood..."  
  
Claw-like branches formed a canopy over me as the wind howled into my ear and I woke up...Into the reality of a nightmare.

  
The dark green forest with a bottomless pitch black sky...It hides secret horrors of the forest.

"For these trees, their hollow trunks housed killers..."

Throwing myself on the ground, I frantically reached out for the tree roots but I stopped in my tracks, seeing who was hidden within them. A pale and skinny child me was peering anxiously behind them, curled up in a ball. Silent tears were running down her face as she... she was waiting for "them".  
  


 

A horrifying realization overcame me. There was nowhere to hide! I was too big and tall to fit under the roots. I could no longer seek the safe refuge of them, hiding in fear as I watch how red masked murders stalk their prey, creeping behind travelers before slashing their necks.  
  
"Once a child, here I stand a teenager about to face death." A choked cry for help forced itself up my throat... This was the end of the road.

 **It wasn't "if" no one would, no one could save me.**  
  
Steadily the uneasiness grew in my stomach and then the silence was shattered. 

 

An ear-piercing scream that was always the start to the murdering fest.  
Blood curdled in my body, watching shadows pace slowly, wavering knives in precise sweeping movements, checking for hidden survivors. I screamed at myself to move but I was pinned in place, the shadows caressing my body as I awaited death, paralyzed and resigned to fate.  
  


"I" suddenly stopped looking at the ground and met my eyes. Her big round eyes were glistening with tears until they fastened on me. Anxiously, she beckoned forward, pointing to a stone path. I have never ever seen this part of the dream...

 

A crooked gray stone path with overgrown moss on it. It looked more like a fairy-tale than a horror movie, the sunlight shining softly on the pathway as a black rabbit turned around and glanced at my direction for a few seconds before calmly hopping down the path.

 

**_"Run"_ **

**_"Follow the white rabbit."_ **

 

I couldn't care less about what colour the rabbit is, I just wanted to escape. Taking a deep breath, I forced my feet off the ground, setting off in pursuit. The shadows were trying to grab me but crooked path saved me, the swerves keeping them from snatching me off the path. I couldn't help letting go a whimper of fear, never letting my eyes stray from the blurring rabbit.

Running up, I seemingly crashed into warm trees but didn't stop...  Panting and running out of breath, I fled through waves of trees, only stopping when the screams became quite faint and far in distance.

Adrenaline leaving my veins, I crouched on the floor, pondering my chest. Weeping, a nasty over taste is left in my mouth. Desperately, I vainly tried to wake up but I couldn't... Slumping down in defeat, I unzipped my pocket, pulled out a sweet and popped it into my mouth. The rich sweetness overwrites my senses, enabling me to regain control over my body. Shifting upwards, I stood up, holding onto the wall for support.

\--------------

 _Your magic white rabbit_   
_Has left it's writing on the wall_   
_We follow like Alice_   
_And just keep diving down the hole_   
_Diving down the hole_

 _-By_ Egypt Central-

\-------------

 

Greeting me is a large graffiti design of a huge white rabbit with a black top hat and glowing green eye patch painted on the door. There are green swirls surrounding the art, bold texts with " **Danger** " and " **Caution** " written on them. Glued on the walls are black and yellow barricade tapes with the words " **floor 7."**  
  


Somehow in my nightmare, I must have really started running in reality and make my way to floor 7 ...but...There is no 7th floor in school.

Where did this floor come from?

\----

 

An intense air of dislike filled the room for the people standing before him. He smiled while lifting his eyebrows before pursing his lips in an obvious display of disgust. He spat out, "You guys are _fat, pompous, bad-tempered old tyrant_ s."

Shuddering in clear revulsion, he scoffed with detest in their direction, turning his back on them. Taking off his club shirt, he tossed it into a trash can across the room.

I gasped at the scene. It was rare to see people bad mouth their club with such pure hatred. While his face was contorted with rage, he smirked darkly, throwing a shady remark at them.   
  


"True friends don't bully others!" His voice roared, the vibrations echo around the room, causing the people in his presence to try and pull back in fear, falling over. He was like a demon, the wraith manifesting around him.

"Consider me done with the club." He stormed out of the room and slammed the door behind him, leaving a wake of people to emerge from their hiding places in the corners of the room.

\----

Standing there was Kai Kamiya, right in front of the closed door. Leaning slightly against the door, he shoved his bandaged hands into his sweater pockets, his right eye brow twitching upward as his deep-set black eyes gazed in my direction.  
  


"Why are you here?" He said solemnly. The volume and tone of his voice made it obvious that he was suspicious of me. I couldn't blame him really...   
  


_"I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, Sir, because I'm not_ myself _you see."_ The words came rolling from my lips even before I could think and I was appalled by my lack of sensitivity.   
  


He turned from me, tracing the door beside him. "Which is just the case with mine ..." I could barely hear his soft-spoken words as he traced the graffiti, a thoughtful expression on his face.   
  


"Were you kicked out from your club?"

"I..." My eyes opened wide on hearing his questions... My unsaid words were like my insecurities. I was scared of rejection, in a hatred filled society for others different from them. For my whole life, I couldn't admit my differences from others and I knew it was slowly killing me.

" _But it's no use now_ ," he stepped forward hesitating, " _To pretend to be two people...Why there's hardly enough of me left to make one respectable person_ ".

"I'm scared of changing but it's no use going back to yesterday because I was a different person then." My voice was thick with emotion, my heart speaking what I knew all along. The decision is mine to make. There's a chance to save myself and I am going to take it. Yes, I will be exchanging one cage for another, there was no turning back...

"Don't be scared, why... _I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then._ " He walked back towards the door, " _We're all mad here,_ Arisa." His voice rang out loudly in the corridor, ringing deep within me.

" _But All the best people are_ ," we simultaneously said. His eyes light up after hearing my words and he held one hand to his mouth, keeping his laughter back. He used his other to haul the door open, heading behind it.

"Welcome to the 50th Alice Games, for freedom."

 

 

-Up Next-

Meeting the so-called White Rabbit  
  
  
  


-Author note-  
It took me forever to come up with this part because I wanted to convey the feel of a true nightmare.

Next part is meeting Zen who is half based on someone I know~

I will try to convey the feeling when I first met him but we shall see ....?

Please tell me if there are any mistakes! Thanks

Signing off

Arcana

-All of our sins are part of ourselves-

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Author note-  
> It took me forever to come up with this part because I wanted to convey the feel of a true nightmare.
> 
> This is finalize after rewriting and checking with others.
> 
> Next part is meeting Zen who has tons of history with me in reality.
> 
> I will try to convey the feeling when I first met him but we shall see ....?
> 
> Please tell me if there are any mistakes! Thanks
> 
> Signing off
> 
> Arcana
> 
> -All of our sins are part of ourselves-
> 
> Signing off
> 
> Arcana
> 
> -All of our sins are part of ourselves-


	4. Madness Poem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a short poem of sorts that I did before I created Total Wars(story).
> 
> You can see it from two sides of the story...
> 
> You can see it as a person who is now taking revenge against her former bully
> 
> Or as the bully~
> 
>  
> 
> It is a poem base on insanity.

** **

**Mean words** pour from my mouth.

 **I'm** sweating all over as **I grip the broom.**

It is **war, total war**

 **I scream** as I **hit** the broom at you.

Words **can't hit you** but I aim them **at your heart.**

**You don't deserve to live.**

**You should go away...**

That is how a **bully** is.

**Bully those weak hearted ones.**

**My** heart is **bursting with this large amount of energy!**

Words **can't hit you** but I aim them **at your heart.**

**You don't deserve to live, die again.**

**You should go away.**

**I'm plain mean.**

**This is war, total war.**

**Hey, play with me a little more!**

**It is war, total war.**

**I laugh as I scribble on your face.**

**You cry** and ask me to **stop.**

**Everyone should just keep quiet.**

**Total war!**

**Noisy!**

**My heart** can't feel **anything.**

 **You** walked past me and **I** whispered **evil words.**

**You are not needed here so get the hell out.**

**Not needed.**

**Not wanted.**

**You are not important.**

**Hey, play with me more.**

**You** are needed for my snack.

 **You** are **my enjoyment.**

 **You** don't **deserve** to be alive so **DISAPPEAR!**

 **Mean words** pour from **my mouth.**

**It is war, total war.**

I **scream** as I threw a **fit.**

You **back away** from me.

**Yes, be very afraid.**

**I** will make you **regret.**

 **I** bend over **you**.

**Goodbye, I giggled.**

The broom rises up.

**YES! TOTAL WAR!**

**You** beg for mercy but that is **no excuse**.

**Die.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update. I recently started speaking again to a friend who I loosely based a character on.
> 
> I did cry when we talk , not that it is a bad thing.
> 
> It shows that we are recovering from the bad memories.
> 
> Currently, I am thinking of a few new characters for this story,nothing too big.


	5. Liar Parade

An unrecognizable classroom met my eyes...The walls were bare and the floor was decked in tiles, unlike the dark blue carpet in many classrooms. Another one of those hot summer days where the blazing sun forces itself through the open windows, as it's rays shone through, resting on the fading tiles. It was obvious that the room was not maintained well, given the decomposing floors underlying the rays. Looking up, unlike the sophisticated technology that so many of my peers were used to, formerly white fans were all that my eyes gazed upon.

"This room used to be for the special education students. Being a part of the normal classes, I guess this must be an uncommon. The advantages rise further for the advance ones, rather unfair don't you think?" A deep silky voice said smoothly with a deep rumble of authority. Turning around, the reality of recognition clouded my eyes. I have heard this voice many times before assembly! It could only belong to one person, the vice president of the council, Zen Ashley, a self-proclaimed gentleman.

There's a figure in the middle of the room, encircled by delicately piled tables, creating a den. With a small creak of the wooden chair, the boy pushed it backward. Rising up gracefully, he rest his physics books on the chair.

Black hair swayed gently with movement, complementing the hands that straightened his shirt. Unlike Kai, he was wearing the proper school uniform, a long white dress shirt and dark green pants, completed with the school's red neck tie. Swaying on his neck were a pair of spectacles...Wait! He was missing the school sweater!

"My sweater is on Kai, I couldn't possibly let him out of the door without something presentable." He drawled out while studying me...His face impassive as his eyes locked on me.

"Zen, this is Arisa, she wants to join the game and I was wondering if she could join our group?" Kai gestures at my direction, the presence of uncertainty enshrouded his voice.

 _"What do you know about this business?"_ Zen mouth scrunched and his eyebrows arched, ignoring Kai request.

 _"Nothing,"_ I said, it was the truth... Alice didn't elaborate on the fine details...

 _"Nothing WHATEVER?"_ He persisted barked, seemingly taken aback by my words, Engulfed with disbelief, he twitched, displeased by my statement.

 _'Nothing whatever,'_ I replied.

A flash of annoyance cross his face and he snorted. His head tilted downwards, as if he was looking down on me. In a robotic voice, he questioned, "There are a lot of rumours about you, they say u have foreign blood...How true is that?"

"Hey! That's not nice of you to say-." Kai's plea died in his throat with a glare from Zen.

"Silence Kai!"

"Do you know what they say of you? "He smiled pleasantly at me, a smile on his lips but cold eyes stared back. They were like two black holes void of any emotion...

"You are unlike any Chinese they have seen. No one knows what is in your head."

Just when I thought he was done, he landed the killing blow.

"They even say you used money to get into the school."

\-------------------------------

I quaked in my feet, the weight of his words pressing down on me like a storm. Their grip on me tightened, threatening to overwhelm me.   
\------------------------------

**_"They keep telling me to just be yourself._ " **I muttered softly, **_"Yet all these years, I've been doing just that."_** Looking at him, anger overtook me and I demanded, _"Look at me and tell me...Should I stop being myself?"_

He froze, posture stiffened upon hearing my words as I prepared myself mentally for his fury, the haste orders for Kai to kick me out.

However his following words took me by surprise.

 _"And still no one loves you,"_ his words felt like a dagger in my chest but he continued on, **_"Just because you start anew doesn't mean that you forget who you were."_**

\------------------

 _"Begin at the beginning,"_ he said, very gravely, _"and go on till you come to the end then stop."_

"Explain your circumstances to me."

"I ...don't have enough club points to graduate school," I trembled with every breath I took, "Without the points, I will be forced to stay back an extra year and continue to face the bullying." I waited with abated breath to hear their response.

"Humph...Birds of a feather really flock together after all..." Zen hummed under his breath, twirling his fingers together before speaking "Is there really no way for you to join another club?"

"I know choir wouldn't let you but..."

 _"I'm late, I'm late...It's too late."_ I frantically burst out, "If I stay longer than necessarily... **I don't think I have the will to live.** " I felt taunted and tainted by my emotions-fear, cold and anxious. At this moment, I felt like a child again, stuck in time...Yearning for the one who'd save me from this darkness.

Zen picked up a screen on the nearby table and turned it on before continuing,

"Wonderland, that's what this game is called... It is a battle tournament whereby you are pit against different groups for fights. "

"Participants are required to lose something before participating and once you are enter, you can't quit. "

"If you lose, your game points are taken and you void your life to the winner. The winner can decide to execute you and if that happens, your identity is given to him."

**"In other words, off with your head."** He finished off with a tap on the screen, starting the video.

\--------

"SAVE ME!" a blood curdling scream ran out and then gargling sounds were being make before it went quiet. The screen shifted up from the floor and I almost vomited at the sight.

Blood smeared on walls, their bloodless bodies lay on the ground in waste of their own blood. Some simply had their throats cut while others had their heads cut off...With the exception of one." She", a ghastly white corpse that creepily stared into the video, head almost cleft from her body. Propped up against a white chair, her formerly white dress was stained in red, a broken crown lying next to her feet. Her shoes were weighing down on a piece of paper and when the video zoomed in, painted in blood on it were the words _**"OFF WITH THEIR HEADS".**_ The video then cut into black.

\--------------------

_"That's the reality of the game...The stench of the death will never leave you,"_ Kai quietly voiced out from behind, "Everyone wants the ultimately price, a wish. "

**_"That is everyone's desire."_ **

Zen added on," You need to be prepared...You can't trust anyone. You will be putting your life into your team mates' hands, into our hands."

"I have mentally killed myself many times but I will not die..." The child who was once afraid of being alone... The girl who was afraid of being lonely is gone. All that is left is someone who wants to survive because she's too weak to die.

"Do I have to ask the game master to join?"

"Is he mad?"

"Oh he is mad, but _**we must be insane to join his game."**_ Zen laughed flatly at his statement, swinging his right arm around Kai.

"Scary as fuck" Kai pointed to the door, "He created this quote... You need to speak it in order to enter...What was it Zen?"

_"How long is forever?"_

_"Sometimes, just one second."_ Kai replied in dark humour, his eyes robbed of their warmth. The weight of his words hang around the room as the door opened to reveal a series of corridors filled with doors.

"It's funny because we feel that **_time lasts so long in wonderland_**...It is ironic!" Zen moved from Kai before wrapping an eyepatch over his right eye, the words "I'm late, I'm late" written on it. He swiftly pulled a black uniform coat over him before buttoning up the coat and cuffs which had crosses on them. He moved to adjust the red belt with hanging chains on them before changing his school shoes to red boots.

Kai on the other hand, took off his sweater in favour for a red jacket. Before he wore the jacket, I could see the white singlet that hung onto his frame and the huge black cross printed in the middle. He placed an armband on the left before rolling up the sleeve of his right arm. His finishing touch was to wrap a dark green scarf with lines around his neck and chain a pouch to the left of his belt.

"Wait, I...Thank you." There was nothing I could say to people who have given me a way to continue living.

"There is no need to thank us really, after all we aren't you" Kai grinned, handing me a green jacket with an ace card on the left breast.

"He means. We don't understand what you went through." Zen sneered as he handed me a red belt," Therefore, we can't possibly show pity."

"We are going by 'if' you are a good fit for the team so don't be thankful."   
"Go on put those items on."

Both of them held their arms to me, "Welcome to wonderland."   
**"Now thinking back, those days are so far behind us."**  
The days we spend in hell.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author note:
> 
> I wanted to explain that reality is not what it seems.
> 
> Every reality is different.
> 
> What people do or think doesn't necessarily apply to you.
> 
> Ultimately it is up to you,what you want to do.
> 
> Being weak to die isn't a bad thing.
> 
> It takes courage to live as it does to die
> 
> and as much cowardice to do both
> 
> However my dear...
> 
> There are those who are willing to see past what others say.
> 
> It isn't pity in their eyes.
> 
> Mirrored in their reflection is 
> 
> "Just you"
> 
> -Next chapter-
> 
> Halloween Special
> 
> -credit to mino-dono on facebook for providing me with the very important -"be yourself but you still wouldn't be love quote"-  
> Check her facebook page out,she has tons of great quotes!


	6. Are the world rules false?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am on wattpad, the story first gets uploaded on wattpad than on archive if I have time...
> 
> But yah, I am on wattpad more often than archive~

The corridor looks so cold and forbidden. I imagine this must be like how mental institutions are like, hiding the _madness_ within...

Stepping through the door shivers shot up my spine as it suddenly closes with a loud bang. Startled by the sound, I turn around only to be alarmed!

Solid, dull metal stood where the door was once, with no handle, no lock or hinges ... We were trapped with no way out!

Reading my reaction, Kai pounders the door hard, "This ensures no competitors can escape." Lifting his fist, I see  no damage  to the wall of steel.

"Look around you, there is _no room for error_ but not that we do so." Zen turns my way to smile, a gesture supposed to reassure me but it gives away the masked worry inside.

I breathe slowly, my eyes going to the walls, there are no windows. No place to hide, only rows of doors make out of different surfaces unlike the metal behind us and each had weirdly shaped doorknobs.

The light dims slightly and both of them straighten up, a tightness in the jaws and shoulders. The marble floor becomes a mirror... However what is reflected back isn't me but **"her".**

She stares back at me, her confident green eyes smirking at me, miles away from how I feel. Horrified I turn to look at Zen and Kai but they are too busy being held captive by the 2 shapeless blobs of shadows that I see. Frowning, I am puzzled...Could it be ... _Everyone can only see their reflection?_

Returning my attention to her, I catch her digging  her nails deep into her skin, slowly dragging her nail across, blood underneath the surface. Her other hand applies pressure to the wound and soon bright red oozes over her hand. Ripping the flesh further ,  blood soon gushes out at a steady pace, dripping onto the ground and forming a pool.

Seeing the blood pool on the floor, the only thing... I can think of is ...

 _"Is blood this red...?"_  
  
I should have felt sick but I am not, remembering _fleeting...a feeling._

 **"The red queen domain is a small white door with a shiny metal knob.Look beyond the surface, it isn't always true.There will a small slash on the knob and underneath is the true black."** Blood sinking into the mirror, red words were popping up, **"Don't be fooled, the silver is a cleverly disguised coat of paint."  
**

\----------------------------------------

"Ring" "Ring"

"Recording and starting up system..."

  
"Welcome to the 49th Total Wars Games."  
  
The lights brighten and the mirror disappears, replaced with an image of small white rabbit machine wearing a tuxedo. Charcoal eyes scan each of us, blue screens popping up with our biometrics, registering us into a black screen which acted as their data-base. I could see thousands of names on the board, some had names crossed out with "deceased" on them.

"Are we just names with no faces?" I angrily dissipate out, just as it was analyzing me...Narrowing my eyes at the disrespect, dissatisfaction fills me to my boiling level, spilling over ,allowing my thoughts become words.

The rabbit twirls to face me sharply. A stony face greeting me and then it opens its mouth, razor blades where teeth should be. 

"We acknowledge deaths." It whirls in a smooth and flawless  speech, "Is this not what humans want?"

"Humans do not!" Protesting loudly, I was aghast at their statement.

"Really?"  
"The government gives you a certificate to acknowledge your love one deaths, but do you see them mourn?"

"Death happens daily."

The rabbit tilts its head towards us before mumbling incoherently, shaking its head in an act of scolding us.

Suddenly the rabbit pauses in mid-sentence, its eyes dimming in brightness. "Rebooting, all systems will be restarted."   
"Warning, if you do not choose a door in 1minutes, you will be punished severely."

 _"I'm late, I'm late, I'm late_ and we are late!" Zen eyes widen in surprise, "Did we really waste so much time?" He pulls Kai and I forward as Kai gestures rudely to the rabbits, "Bastards."

Zen frowns in disapprove at his statement but turns to me, "Let's hope that we don't get the red queen domain."

"We don't have the capability to defeat her yet, especially in a world where she knows where all the weapons and equipment are kept."

"Weapons are kept?" I ask warily, I was being thrown into a game with very little information besides knowing the "danger".

Kai waves his arm at the door, "Depending on your role...If you are in a domain where you role exists. You will know where all the dangerous stuff is being kept and..."

"It is on your invitation card but no time for more pointers, we have to move!"  
"Pick a door!" Abruptly interrupting Kai, Zen pulls at a door but it refuses to budge.

"It has been taken!"

"FUCK!" Exclaims Kai, moving to grab at another door but it does not open.

  
Meanwhile, my eyes were drawn towards a shiny golden door... However , Attracting my attention wasn't the gold  but the door handle. Where a handle should be was a circle of black metal. Closing my fingers around it, I could feel the coldness of the material, shivering involuntarily, reminding me of **her** fingers.

Twisting the handle, with a slight creak, it swings open with a slight creak and in the distance... I can see a blinking neon light sign saying, "Welcome to wonderland."

5...4...3...2

A hand pushes me through the door and Zen and Kai soon stumble in with confused looks on their faces, the door shutting behind us, surrounding us in the darkness.  
  
"We were pushed in?" Kai stands there astonished,covering his mouth with his hands.

He whispers,  "But there was no one behind us!"

"1"

"And we are in the game."

The lights in the domain turn on.

Beyond the door, a shadow smirks, rotating an ace card around slim fingers...

**_"The world keeps moving even with one death..."_ **

**_"It does not wait for you to recover."_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author note.
> 
> This chapter was hard as I had to introduce the rules of the game and how to play it...
> 
> Also it talks about what happened to me in the past.
> 
> Someone I knew died and the next day after I went to pay my respect to him...
> 
> I was back in school.
> 
>  
> 
> It came to me as I was looking outside of the window that life is fleeting.
> 
> I wanted the world to stop and mourn with me but it didn't happen.
> 
> I thought right then, the world keeps moving even when a person dies. 
> 
> Of course, those were my past feelings and growing up , my experiences with life and death have changed ... Especially since we see more of the world as we grow and understand.
> 
> We find answers to our questions.
> 
>  
> 
> Every chapter is going to be different , it is focused on a different question...
> 
> Our feelings and views...
> 
> \------------------------------------
> 
> The next chapter is going to be very close to my heart.
> 
> It is going to talk about some of my past reasoning on life and death~
> 
> The next chapter.
> 
> "Do you choose life or death?"
> 
> "What is your answer?"
> 
> -The place in our lives called Death -  
> Author note.
> 
> This chapter was hard as I had to introduce the rules of the game and how to play it...
> 
> Also it talks about what happened to me in the past.
> 
> Someone I knew died and the next day after I went to pay my respect to him...
> 
> I was back in school.
> 
>  
> 
> It came to me as I was looking outside of the window that life is fleeting.
> 
> I wanted the world to stop and mourn with me but it didn't happen.
> 
> I thought right then, the world keeps moving even when a person dies. 
> 
> Of course, those were my past feelings and growing up , my experiences with life and death have changed ... Especially since we see more of the world as we grow and understand.
> 
> We find answers to our questions.
> 
>  
> 
> Every chapter is going to be different , it is focused on a different question...
> 
> Our feelings and views...
> 
> \------------------------------------
> 
> The next chapter is going to be very close to my heart.
> 
> It is going to talk about some of my past reasoning on life and death~
> 
> The next chapter.
> 
> "Do you choose life or death?"
> 
> "What is your answer?"
> 
> -The place in our lives called Death-


	7. Are the world rules false?

The corridor looks so cold and forbidden. I imagine this must be like how mental institutions are like, hiding the _madness_ within...

Stepping through the door shivers shot up my spine as it suddenly closes with a loud bang. Startled by the sound, I turn around only to be alarmed!

Solid, dull metal stood where the door was once, with no handle, no lock or hinges ... We were trapped with no way out!

Reading my reaction, Kai pounders the door hard, "This ensures no competitors can escape." Lifting his fist, I see  no damage  to the wall of steel.

"Look around you, there is _no room for error_ but not that we do so." Zen turns my way to smile, a gesture supposed to reassure me but it gives away the masked worry inside.

I breathe slowly, my eyes going to the walls, there are no windows. No place to hide, only rows of doors make out of different surfaces unlike the metal behind us and each had weirdly shaped doorknobs.

The light dims slightly and both of them straighten up, a tightness in the jaws and shoulders. The marble floor becomes a mirror... However what is reflected back isn't me but **"her".**

She stares back at me, her confident green eyes smirking at me, miles away from how I feel. Horrified I turn to look at Zen and Kai but they are too busy being held captive by the 2 shapeless blobs of shadows that I see. Frowning, I am puzzled...Could it be ... _Everyone can only see their reflection?_

Returning my attention to her, I catch her digging  her nails deep into her skin, slowly dragging her nail across, blood underneath the surface. Her other hand applies pressure to the wound and soon bright red oozes over her hand. Ripping the flesh further ,  blood soon gushes out at a steady pace, dripping onto the ground and forming a pool.

Seeing the blood pool on the floor, the only thing... I can think of is ...

 _"Is blood this red...?"_  
  
I should have felt sick but I am not, remembering _fleeting...a feeling._

 **"The red queen domain is a small white door with a shiny metal knob.Look beyond the surface, it isn't always true.There will be a small slash on the knob and underneath is the true black."** Blood sinking into the mirror, red words were popping up, **"Don't be fooled, the silver is a cleverly disguised coat of paint."  
**

\----------------------------------------

"Ring" "Ring"

"Recording and starting up system..."

  
"Welcome to the 49th Total Wars Games."  
  
The lights brighten and the mirror disappears, replaced with an image of small white rabbit machine wearing a tuxedo. Charcoal eyes scan each of us, blue screens popping up with our biometrics, registering us onto a black screen which acted as their data-base. I could see thousands of names on the board, some had names crossed out with "deceased" on them.

"Are we just names with no faces?" I angrily dissipate out, just as it was analyzing me...Narrowing my eyes at the disrespect, dissatisfaction fills me to my boiling level, spilling over ,allowing my thoughts to  words.

The rabbit twirls to face me sharply. A stony face greeting me and then it opens its mouth, razor blades where teeth should be. 

"We acknowledge deaths." It whirls in a smooth and flawless  speech, "Is this not what humans want?"

"Humans do not!" Protesting loudly, I was aghast at their statement.

"Really?"   
"The government gives you a certificate to acknowledge your love one deaths, but do you see them mourn?"

"Death happens daily."

The rabbit tilts its head towards us before mumbling incoherently, shaking its head in an act of scolding us.

Suddenly the rabbit pauses in mid-sentence, its eyes dimming in brightness. "Rebooting, all systems will be restarted."   
"Warning, if you do not choose a door in 1minutes, you will be punished severely."

 _"I'm late, I'm late, I'm late_ and we are late!" Zen eyes widen in surprise, "Did we really waste so much time?" He pulls Kai and I forward as Kai gestures rudely to the rabbits, "Bastards."

Zen frowns in disapprove at his statement but turns to me, "Let's hope that we don't get the red queen domain."

"We don't have the capability to defeat her yet, especially in a world where she knows where all the weapons and equipment are kept."

"Weapons are kept?" I ask warily, I was being thrown into a game with very little information besides knowing the "danger".

Kai waves his arm at the door, "Depending on your role...If you are in a domain where you role exists. You will know where they are being kept and..."

"It is on your invitation card but no time for more pointers, we have to move!"   
"Pick a door!" Abruptly interrupting Kai, Zen pulls at a door but it refuses to budge.

"It has been taken!"

"FUCK!" Exclaims Kai, moving to grab at another door but it does not open.

  
Meanwhile, my eyes were drawn towards a shiny golden door. However ... What attracted my attention wasn't the gold but the door handle. Where a handle should be was a circle of black metal. Closing my fingers around it, I could feel the coldness of the material, shivering involuntarily, reminding me of **her** fingers.

Twisting the handle, with a slight creak, it swings open with a slight creak and in the distance... I can see a blinking neon light sign saying, "Welcome to wonderland."

5...4...3...2

A hand pushes me through the door and Zen and Kai soon stumble in with confused looks on their faces, the door shutting behind us, surrounding us in the darkness.  
  
"We were pushed in?" Kai stands there astonished, covering his mouth with his hands.

He whispers,  "But there was no one behind us!"

"1"

"And we are in the game."

The lights in the domain turn on.

Beyond the door, a shadow smirks, rotating an ace card around slim fingers...

**_"The world keeps moving even with one death..."_ **

**_"It does not wait for you to recover."_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author note
> 
> Author note.
> 
> This chapter was hard as I had to introduce the rules of the game and how to play it...
> 
> Also it talks about what happened to me in the past.
> 
> Someone I knew died and the next day after I went to pay my respect to him...
> 
> I was back in school.
> 
>  
> 
> It came to me as I was looking outside of the window that life is fleeting.
> 
> I wanted the world to stop and mourn with me but it didn't happen.
> 
> I thought right then, the world keeps moving even when a person dies. 
> 
> Of course, those were my past feelings and growing up , my experiences with life and death have changed ... Especially since we see more of the world as we grow and understand.
> 
> We find answers to our questions.
> 
>  
> 
> Every chapter is going to be different , it is focused on a different question...
> 
> Our feelings and views...
> 
> \------------------------------------
> 
> Look out for the chapter that talks about some of my past reasoning on life and death~


	8. Admitting Sins

I admit I pushed them down the rabbit hole.     

There is a thrill of the bad things that I have done, but along with it is unexplainable. 

What I can say, it is complicated.

The feeling in my heart called guilt.

I always feel like this, it comes to me without fault.  
Maybe it is because I don't want to but I can't get rid of it.  
It haunts me.

They say sinners can repent but

I have sinned and cannot undo it.

 Amends and confessions are out of the question for someone like me.

 I can't change what I have done,  nor ask for forgiveness.

Unable to wash away the sins committed like a scar that refuses to heal.

Clinging to the last of my sanity and praying that this works.

My crime, you will embrace instead of fearing.  
  


Am I insane for saying?   
  


"You will too if you were me."

Push them down the rabbit hole.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very short chapter because I wanted this to be in the perspective of someone other than Arisa.
> 
> From their point of view...On why they push others down the rabbit hole.
> 
> I have been busy with part time work and holidays so...
> 
> I have lots of time now so I can write<3
> 
> Please forgive me for not updating this sooner.
> 
>  
> 
> The next chapter coming out is
> 
> -Lost in a world they don't belong-


	9. The Both of Us-Special

"I'm going overseas." I looked up in a haze at the man standing in front of me. The grown up version of the little boy I once knew. The weight of my words hung heavily around us.The air around us was emotional.

"Why?" he whispered coarsely. He sat there lost in the torrent vortex of my words. A man forever tormented by a past that could not be undone... The magnitude of what I had done weighed heavily on me.

Small parts of our story...  
What we were and how shattered we both came to be.

His tall lanky self who decided that we should be friends, after seeing me so delighted over childish silly games.

His hysterical crying and claims that he regretted being friends with me.   
The end of our friendship...

Yes, only I could release him from the past that had been haunting him.

"I never did tell you..."  
"I promised myself when we were young...never to make friends."  
"I knew that anyone I was friends with...Would be in danger of being bullied."

He flinched at those words... His eyes red as he stared at me, "Enough Please...I don't want to remember..."

"I am terrified that the memories will come back to me."

I knew how he felt, how a memory replays in one's mind...If he doesn't resolve it, it will never end. It will never go away...Just like a broken record , repeating the same old tune. Taking his hand, I gripped it tightly, silently begging that he wouldn't shut me out.

"Still I took the chance because I reasoned with myself..."  
"That we were in different classes...No one would realize we were friends."  
"I lied to myself because I was lonely."  
"I wanted friends..."

"It wasn't your fault...What happened to the both of us."

"We both kept things from each other for too long...I am finally coming clean with you, with the things they said."

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

I thought about it for a very long time...  
What they had said back then...  
Things that you didn't know...  
When they used to say  
I used money to enter school and club.  
That was how I got friends.  
What was mirrored in their eyes was an unrealistic perspective of me but I didn't fight it.  
Resulting in self- hate and destruction.

To me, I was not who I wished to be.

I wanted to become someone else.

I never shared it with you because I did not want to be a burden.

I felt guilty for failing to see that you were suffering from all the rumors surrounding us.

While believing that keeping things to myself will protect you...  
You were likewise doing the same for me.  
I know now that you begged them desperately to stop hurting me.

But they refused and laughed in your face.

But we can't change the past...

\------------------------------------------------------

A university overseas has accepted me.

I never thought that I will get into one because of my horrible grades.

Years of being bullied had caused me to have a negative outlook on standing out from the crowd.

I forced myself to hide because I didn't want to be different.

Those days were hard...  
  


Was it right for me to stay part of the crowd?  
  


Just to live?  
  


What is life for it to be worth living?

I only applied because my twin persuaded me to give it a try.

I couldn't believe when I got the acceptance letter to be honest.

I know... A lot of people are going to say...  
You brought the degree.  
I found it ironic...  
Being that I promised myself...  
That I was not going to use money to buy my way into life.  
After what I faced

I know...If I rejected it,   
I can prove that they were wrong.  
I don't break my promise again.

Will I be happy though?

If I don't accept this offer,  
I will never do what I love.

After all,  
What is happiness?  
I want to be happy.

Your life matters.

My life matters to me.

I found out.  
We are all born differently.  
Everyone life is theirs to make.

I came to a decision.  
No matter what they say...  
Past or future.

You have to move on.  
Don't let the past define who you are.

I am ready to move on.  
This is farewell from me.

Forgive yourself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author Note:  
> The thoughts are based on me slightly.
> 
> I am going overseas to study.
> 
> I was haunted by the past for a very long time...  
> Lately these sort of thoughts have been passing my mind as I make my decision.
> 
> After much thought...
> 
> I will say...
> 
> Stay true to your dreams:)
> 
> -Also this a later part in the story...
> 
> I moved it forward because of my decision in life.
> 
> Guess the people in the chapter?
> 
> Thank you for always reading my story and I will update it soon!
> 
> I just been busy because of life decisions.
> 
> \- Next chapter-  
> Lost in a world they don't belong


End file.
